How was Vipassana?

Let's get the disappointment out of the way first. The course was cancelled the evening of the 4th day — someone tested positive for COVID, and the Dhamma retreat center runs cautious: the meditation teachers are themselves in their 70s and the center does not want to be held responsible or liable for knowingly hosting a super-spreader event.

Ok, so how was Vipassana?

It was powerful — grueling, demanding, intense. Waking up at 4AM each day to start meditating in the hall by 4:30. I did little besides meditate, eat, and sleep.

The first 3 days are known to be the most challenging. Focused on Anapana meditation, our practice consisted of solely observing sensations associated with respiration through the nose.

People have asked me most about how it was to be silent — that was the easiest part. One challenge lied in keeping the mind focused on the breath for so many hours of the day, watching the mind leap from one thought to another. So many memories re-emerged, so many I thought I had forgotten. Some beautiful, some painful, some bright, some dark.

The other challenge was the sheer physical pain of sitting for so many hours. I was legitimately worried that I was doing permanent damage to my knees. My neck would get strained. My mind would scream — you need to move! It's very, very physically uncomfortable — even with a back support and cushions for the knees.

On the 4th day we learned the actual Vipassana meditation technique. Crassly put, it's a highly sensitized and attentive body scan. We observe each part of the body, from head to tow, observing what physical sensations arise. The theory behind it, as far as I understand, is in line with discoveries of modern psychology — trauma is held not in the brain but in the body, and in order to release psychological traumas we must access them and release them through the body. My understanding is that the attentive observation of the body over long periods of time allow traumas to surface, and when we observe the physical sensations equanimously — without reacting to them but only observing them — they pass through the body and are released.

I can only speak for what I experienced for my first Vipassana meditation. I experienced a benefit immediately, a notable benefit. A quiet mind. After that first meditation, there was space in my mind. The chatter was no longer — a few thoughts here and there, but I was able to see the physical world without a barrage of interrupting my perception.

It's hard to explain, I've never experienced anything quite like it. The quietness in my mind was beautiful, something I had never experienced before. I teared up, able to simply enjoy what was in the present moment.

On my first day back, I've had productivity, focus, and positivity that feels like a super power. I might still be honeymooning from the retreat, but I feel determined to experiment with this practice more. I am trying an hour of Vipassana meditation each morning and night.

I look forward to sharing more with you soon.