Say it cheerfully and firmly: you don’t have to tolerate this.

Remember—you are free to change your situation. You are free to leave.

Not everything is up to us, sure. Sometimes life hands us dark weather and we have to ride it out. But a lot of the time, the cage is one we’ve built ourselves.

On my way to Bali, I booked a place that looked great online—Holiday Inn, glossy photos, infinity pool, “ocean view.” Budget-friendly, decent reviews. Holiday Inn has a reputation for being less luxurious, but I figured it couldn't be that bad.

When I arrived—11pm—the lobby was blasting upbeat pop. Not a crime, just the opposite of what you'd want on a relaxing retreat to Bali. I told myself, “Maybe the room will be better.” After checking in, I went to the elevator - it had odd smell to it. The room itself was clean, but the “ocean view” turned out to be a sliver of water framed by a giant parking lot. Bye bye good vibes.

This isn’t a hit piece on the hotel. For what it is, it’s fine. But I needed something else. An older version of me would’ve stayed out of politeness—because I’d already checked in, because the staff were nice, because it’s “not that bad.”

Instead, I left.

I booked another hotel nearby that fit what I actually wanted. I went back to the desk, politely explained that the room wasn’t what I’d hoped for, asked for a refund, and checked out. No anger, no scene, just a clear boundary. It was a little stressful—the new place confirmed close to midnight—but I’m writing this from the hotel's beach café. It feels right for me, and I’m glad I moved.

The point isn’t about hotels. It’s about that soft inner voice that says, “It’s fine. You can put up with it” when your whole body is saying, “No.”

When that happens, listen. You have agency. You can say, “This isn’t for me,” and take the action that aligns with what you actually need.

You don’t have to tolerate it. You can change it.