Good advice can be right—and your response can still be wrong.

A friend and manager gave me some feedback today. Nothing intense—just a reminder to manage upwards by making it easy for a manager to help whoever they’re working with.

If you want to work with somebody busier than you, have one clear, easy ask—something executable they can do right away.

For example: if you want them to email someone, have the draft ready so they can copy-paste and send. Make it as easy as possible.

The advice is good. My response? Not so good. I was polite, but off. I said “Thank you for the feedback,” then launched into context about why I’d forwarded him (and another manager) a series of emails—because the other manager had asked me to forward them so he could respond. Within 30 minutes I realized his feedback was valid and my reply was, even if just a little, defensive.

It’s such a reflex. You say “Thanks for the feedback,” but underneath you’re really saying, “Hey, I did the right thing—this is what someone told me.” I even followed with, “If there’s something I could’ve done better, let me know—I always want to learn.” And yet I hadn’t given myself space to reflect.

Part of it: I felt a bit attacked—tiny, but there. Also frustrated. I’ve been working my ass off, stretched thin, and I feel like I’m doing a good job. When you’re in that state, feedback doesn’t always land well. Still, I wish I’d sent a different text back. Or just… let it sit. “Thank you for the feedback” would’ve been enough in the moment.

What I’ve learned over the years: taking time to process is valuable. You don’t need to respond right away. Most times I fire off a quick reply, the risk of a poor response goes up. Yes, timeliness matters sometimes—and I can swing too far the other way, overthinking before replying. Sometimes it’s best to just answer and move on.

But with feedback—or anything that stirs emotion—it’s wiser to wait at least 30 minutes. An hour or two is even better, especially if there’s no actual need to answer yet.

Remember: to respond, you don’t need to react.